Acquiescence me in tidal tarn

Waves rampant as nadirs

Despondency and precariousness

Rolling across frontiers

Vulnerable like a flower

Wildering in the sun

Love hath left turpitude

I am the Ghost Rider

My mind is on fire

And my skull is a blaze

It is the night that brings about my change.

I am the Ghost Writer

My pen is dripping

And my hand is stiff

It is the words that I cannot forget.

I am the Phantom Mister

My life is his 

And my actions are mine

It is watching me all the time.

I am the Thunder Clock

My time is late

And my date is wrong

It is the Koo-Koo that keeps me strong.

I am the Plunder Machine

My course is unknown

And my damage is free

It is the leftovers that I do not care to see.

Take it with me

Where ever I go,

The day before has become today.

Today I took myself

Perhaps a little bit further,

A joyride if you will.

A ride just in my mind

That I have done a million times,

My body is unrest.

Unrest me please

Give my hands my thoughts,

And take them with me.

There’s  a  garden,

where  a  rare  flower  grows.

It can  thrive…

without  the  warmth  of  the  sun’s  light;

or  ever  being  kissed  by  the  rain.

Yet  it  wonders  about  the  other  flowers-

and  longs  to  be  the  same.

How  glorious  would  it  be?

To  feel  the  sun  shining  upon  it’s  leaves.

Or  to  have  its  thirst  quenched…

by  the  sweet  nectar  of  the  rain.

Though  it  can  grow  and  survive-

without  these  essential  things.

Just  imagine; 

how  it  would  flourish  in a  day.

If  it  were  to  ever  feel  the  sun’s  rays…

or  taste  the  sweet  nectar  of  the  rain.

If  only  the  gardener  could  see…

his  little  flower’s  plea;

with,  out  stretched  leaves-

attempting  to  touch  the  warm  sunlight,

that  the  day  time  brings.

Or  it’s  roots  surfacing…

with  every  fresh  drop  of  rain.

Desperate  to  taste  it’s  sweet  nectar.

The  little  flower  wonders…

what  would  the  gardener do?

If  only  he  knew…

how  his  little  flower-

longed  to  be  like  all  the  rest.

Would  he  pull  its  roots ;

from  the  cold,  dry,  desolate   place?

 So  the  little  flower could  taste-

  the  sweet  nectar  of  the  rain.

And  feel the warmth of the sun’s rays.

Or  would  he  ignore  the  little  flower’s  plea-

to  taste  the  sweet  nectar  of  the  rain.

Or  feel  the  warmth  of  the  sun’s  ray’s…

that  the  day  time  brings.

In this world;

Things don’t always go as planned

There are many ups and downs

But when in need there’s someone to lend a hand

We’ve been to every town

And many a distant land

No matter where we go

And everywhere we’ve been

The one thing I do know

Through all the sights to have seen

Together close we did grow

And with many a shoulder to lean

I’m dependent on you so

Through many tiring trials

And even many a test

Never any grave denials

Because together we’re the best

We traveled an infinite number of miles

And prevailed in every quest

Now to face the ultimate test

Withstand the futures course

The paved path leads to the west

Together we journey and carry no remorse

Once a small existence;

A simple life of trivial woes

Blossomed into extreme resistance,

Against all odds and fearsome foes

With fearless and incorruptible strength

Unending courage and undying will,

Strive to do what’s right at any length

Only to see it through until all is still

Through many trials and troubles

Wading through fear and pain

The true gift of love doubles

Realizing just how much there was to gain

Away it flies

Consuming all behind the lies

Come to me, for I cannot be

Anymore

Its close friend quite empty and blackened

A few orbs and materia beyond man

So complete and large abnormal sand

They, so complete and porcelain fraction

Incomplete and displaced

Throughout the indifferent visions of light

Ether, that of the weathered night

Yet together; forever bound

So different but all the same

Always with one can both be found

Together until the end of the game

So pleased is she, for it bothers her so

For space  knows never to go

He is forbidding, consequence fallen

So together, they are to never be forgotten

Never in my life 

Have I been so verbally and mentally abused

Torn down to the floor 

By a man who is so confused

Sick of being mistreated 

Due to one man’s own mistakes

Too much pride to admit to his faults

So he’d rather place the blame

A malicious mom to add on 

To the problems he already has

Brainwashed & manipulated

Convinced that everything good is bad.

It all started from childhood

His first impression of a mother 

A subconscious hatred for women 

For being raised by his brother

He too was abused 

Misconception for the meaning of love

Beat down by his step father

Because he forgot to give his mother a hug

Lied to about his own identity

Of not knowing his REAL dad

Attempted suicide by overdosing on pills 

Because his mother had him misled.

She manipulated him then

Still deceptive even now

He wants to break the chain

But he doesn’t know how

Lacked his mother’s care

As a young child

Still longing for her touch

So now as a grown man

Any attention is sufficient enough

Feeling like a helpless boy

Trapped in a grown man’s body

Addicted to alcohol & drugs

But ashamed to admit it to anybody.

Insecure, angry, and unhappy

He feels there’s no way out 

Will vent to anyone who’ll listen to him

To help validate his doubts.

Provokes the family to anger

Kids but mainly his wife

Tries to make her look bad

To avoid changing his life.

He hears voices from God

Saying son just come to me

But every time he tries to make one step forward

He gets blocked by the enemy.

Prayer is the only thing that can change him

Because the clock is winding down

At the end of the day, they’ll be a price to pay

And no one will be around

Momma can’t save his soul

No person can make him whole

Will be faced with the decisions he made in life

Cs God’s word

Is what matters the most

Such a vicious cycle 

Of a generational curse not left behind

Hard for the man to make rational decisions

Because he battles in his mind

If he ever yields

What a great story he’d have to tell

But which one will he choose

Heaven or hell?

Daddy, Daddy 

I need you

Why have you forsaken me?

Mom woke me up this morning 

Fixed me breakfast

And you weren’t there to take me to school.

Daddy, Daddy

I want to talk to you

What did I do wrong?

I long for your touch

And for you to converse with me

And you won’t even pick up the phone.

Daddy, Daddy

I need some advice

Why can’t you be my friend?

Of course you’re a parent who also reprimands

But they both go hand in hand

Daddy, Daddy

I pray for you

Why won’t you come through?

When two people break up

Is an unfortunate deal 

But neglecting a child’s not the right thing to do

Daddy, daddy

I hope for you

Will you ever let go of your pride?

It hurts so badly

That you’re not in my life 

But I try hard to keep it inside.

Well daddy

I can’t make you spend time with me

I have no more questions to ask

But when I grow up

And have a kid of my own 

I’ll be the best parent than any child’s ever had.

We have yet to learn forgiveness

A gesture we sometimes lack

Please allow me to express myself

In a theoretical poetic act.

This is a question 

That has been posed

By many who are hurt? 

Try to read between the lines 

As I put this in rhyming words

How can I forgive someone?

Who treated me so bad?

Called me out of my name

Made me feel so sad.

How can I forgive the friend?

Who talk about me every chance they get

Laugh in front of my face

Then backstab me at the drop of a hat

How can I forgive a family member?

Who would leave me out in the cold?

Steal my money to get high off drugs & alcohol

Take my clothes, silver and gold.

How can I forgive the man?

Who raped me, beat me, and tried to sabotage my soul

Verbally, mentally, emotionally abused me

While battling with myself to keep it all in 

A story untold.

How can I forgive the spouse?

Who would break my heart then claim to try to fix it 

Reel me in again say they love me

Just to intentionally break my spirit

How can I forgive the criminal? 

Who killed my mother, father, sister, brother?

Never said sorry

And will do it to another.

Hmmm! Well I don’t quite know how to answer these questions

My first reaction is to run

There is so much doubt of what to say

But here is my response.

I can’t justify that behavior

And I can’t take away nor heal your pain

But one thing I know with unforgiving

There is nothing to gain.

I suggest that you pray

Every single day

People can’t give you direction

But God will definitely show you the way.

Get into the word

So you can learn how others got through

Seek the voice from God

So HE can tell you what to do.

Then I want you to think of this

Remember when the Pharisees killed Jesus

He was an innocent man

He didn’t say or do anything wrong

But the blood was on his hands

Jesus didn’t have to do it

But HE did so that you and I would have life

They scorned him, beat him, spit on him

AND pierced him in the side.

So with all that our God has given

And he did with such great passion

Forgive everyone for all that they’ve done

So our father will forgive us our trespasses as it is in heaven.

The world is crashing all around
Treatment after treatment
but there is no cure
Will I help myself or someone else
I may never know
Keep your head up high they tell me
But I don’t know why
I’m too tired to continue the fight
But I have to fight to the end
For my daughters and all women in the world
I’m an experiment sent from God
Put here to do good and right for all women
Keep my head up high they tell me
Now I know why
My life ending to find a cure
Save another woman from this curse
Every day I pray if there’s no cure before I go
I might help find the cure for another woman
I’m fighting the fight
To save the next life
Kick this curse to the curb

Dedicated to all the women who have or is fighting breast cancer especially my mother Relda McConnell and my aunt Paula Gibbons!!!

I was cutting in and out of the nights then, perpetually nocturnal.

Pleased, at a distance.  

Yet so very astray.  A restless infinity walking upright.

I close my eyes and see the halos of bright lights burning.

The great glowing electric hum of a city’s heartbreak.

Endless houses, leaves, streets, trees, 

and the strange faces of those before and after my time.

Tired and ragged concrete concealing its age in the shadows, looking for rest,

hidden to the alleyways I tirelessly wandered.  

I see limp plastic bags hanging from the limbs of trees. (like dead appendages) 

Naked bulbs hanging lazy on your porch, deep inside the murky blues of the night.

These were the smoke soaked moments of endless possibility where our souls, confronted, dragged on fearlessly into the sunset.

I’m still there when I think back to those nights.

still aware to the irregularity of each step beneath my feet.

still killing the ache, day by day.

All I wanted was a silence that echoed.

See, time travel is easy…

Though it’s hardest knowing not much has changed.

Life for me lately has just been casting shadows,

I feel so….more or less. 

Playing ear to the endless struggle of whirring lights and blurred faces;

walking a labyrinth of lewd alley ways and vicious stairwells leading nowhere.

 All of it fueling the roving madness raging somewhere deep within.

I’m standing unsure, yet smiling between these illusionist walls.

Simply rolling with the current, biding my time.

Beep beep beep… It’s 4:30 already! 

Slowly make my way out of bed

Heart racing

Mind spinning as I make my way to the hospital

Strip down, throw on scrubs

Grabbing shoe covers and a hair net

Ready or Not

It is time to leave the locker room

Waiting nervously for my case to start

Here we go

They just brought the patient in

Time to scrub… If I remember how

Everyone is ready

Tech said it is all mine

Center stage 

Under the bright lights

Feeling good in action

Patient can feel pain 

Need more Lidocaine 

Surgeon comforting the patient 

Then back to work

Few bloody raytex here and there  

Time for closing count and finishing up

I did it, this is what I want to do

Nice job, keep up the good work

3 o’clock time to go home 

Leaving more confident

As we journey along the
path of life the road seems long.
There are many challenges and hurdles to endure
that we aren’t sure where we belong.
Opportunities come in all sizes
that we can embrace.
Everyone is searching for answers as we
 all run in the same race.
Life hold’s the keys to our dreams
in which we must unlock.
Some will search their whole life to fit in,
yet feel life is a road block.
Can the answers to life’s questions be found
in the deepest reservoirs of our hearts?
Maybe if we just embark upon our day with
a positive affirmation as it starts.
Who would think positive self talk
could strengthen our day.
We don’t have yesterday or tomorrow but,
 we can make the most of today.
Everyone in the world is special
and is a true gift.
Our qualities and talents can be shared with
one another to give us a lift.
The most expensive gift can’t
seem to buy happiness.
So the best gift one can give is time to another
which brings joy full of bliss.
What is the most important thing everyone wants in life,
 it is to be loved.
So many search for so long for what would make us happy and
we all long to be moved.
The sparks of a new romance take us
emotionally to a place of power.
We all want that feeling to last a lifetime and not go sour.
Everyday there is an opening to
learn something new.
Embrace each days new lessons it offers
 like the fresh morning dew.
Nestled deep within our souls
we must be true to us.
As no one else will cherish
the beauty within us.
You never need to look farther than
 your own mirror for success.
I am going to tell you that
YOU are the Secret to Success.

Why not get back up after he’s beaten me? I mean I’ve been beaten before and let’s not forget that I still have tons of work around the house to get done and I know if I lay here to long it’ll only upset him again. Ain’t no point in crying, because I know he really doesn’t like to hurt me he just can’t help it sometimes. His job is so demanding not to mention he’s had a few drinks tonight plus let’s not forget the abusive father and drunken neglectful mother. His uncontrollable anger is not his fault… right? 

He never means it. That’s what he tells me every time and I have to believe it….right? It’s just the stress. I know he doesn’t want me to add extra stress. I already know he can’t handle that. 

This isn’t the first time, but maybe, just maybe it could be the last….right? He loves me, it’s just that sometimes my questions upset him, especially if he’s had a rough day or already in a bad mood. I already know that when he has a lot on his mind to just stay away say nothing and do nothing “stupid,” as he calls it. I wouldn’t want to make him angry.

So I need to get up and go wipe my face. But I must remember not to look too put together because I wouldn’t want him to think I didn’t learn a lesson from his rage. If I show him that I’m sorry for making him upset then maybe this really will be the last time….right? I need to think of an apology and quick. I wouldn’t dare want him to think that I’m not truly sorry. That would be really bad. Maybe I could say “Sorry for asking you what you wanted for dinner,” in my most regretful tone, “I know you say you don’t care what I cook but I just thought you might want something specific and I didn’t want to upset you by not checking to make sure that wasn’t the case.” then I can add “I just want to make you happy.” Its true really, I just want to make him happy. 

Yes, that should be an acceptable apology but I can’t do it yet. I have to start cooking or he’ll get pissed off all over again. I’ll do it once the food is done, that way he won’t be able to snap about his dinner still not being ready. I am already late starting it because of the fighting, and it’s really my fault for making him mad….right?

I know better than to ever question anything about him but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder why things have to be this way. Why is my good never good enough? I mean I know he loves me, if he didn’t he wouldn’t care so much about my every move…. right? He wouldn’t always want me home and he wouldn’t always sound so jealous every time I tell him about my day. Jealousy is the biggest sign of him loving me….right? But why does he have to smack me to the ground or kick me and leave bruises? Why does he have to be so insecure? But no, I must not question his love. I know he loves me. He tells me all the time that he could never live without me, that he would never live without me. That’s love….right? He tells me that him even thinking of me being with another man would kill him … or he’d kill me. I know he doesn’t really mean that part…right?

No, he loves me and I know he does. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with and he’s all I know.   I know you’re thinking god she’s so dumb how can she be with a guy like that? I used to hear about girls who were with guys who hit them and thought that I could never be that stupid. But now I understand them, it’s not stupidity when you love him….right? Well I love him and he wasn’t always this way. He just has so much baggage from his childhood. What type of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t help him overcome it? He’s not all bad and when he is bad it’s not his fault its mine. I know what makes him angry I just have to remember what buttons not to push. This will all get better if I just be careful not to make him upset. I just have to always make sure that he’s in a good mood and if he’s not I have to try and figure out how to get him in a better mood. 

Yes, that is all I need to do…right? 

Our love is the real deal….right? 

Yes, this has to be true love…right?