Acquiescence me in tidal tarn
Waves rampant as nadirs
Despondency and precariousness
Rolling across frontiers
Vulnerable like a flower
Wildering in the sun
Love hath left turpitude
I am the Ghost Rider
My mind is on fire
And my skull is a blaze
It is the night that brings about my change.
I am the Ghost Writer
My pen is dripping
And my hand is stiff
It is the words that I cannot forget.
I am the Phantom Mister
My life is his
And my actions are mine
It is watching me all the time.
I am the Thunder Clock
My time is late
And my date is wrong
It is the Koo-Koo that keeps me strong.
I am the Plunder Machine
My course is unknown
And my damage is free
It is the leftovers that I do not care to see.
Take it with me
Where ever I go,
The day before has become today.
Today I took myself
Perhaps a little bit further,
A joyride if you will.
A ride just in my mind
That I have done a million times,
My body is unrest.
Unrest me please
Give my hands my thoughts,
And take them with me.
There’s a garden,
where a rare flower grows.
It can thrive…
without the warmth of the sun’s light;
or ever being kissed by the rain.
Yet it wonders about the other flowers-
and longs to be the same.
How glorious would it be?
To feel the sun shining upon it’s leaves.
Or to have its thirst quenched…
by the sweet nectar of the rain.
Though it can grow and survive-
without these essential things.
how it would flourish in a day.
If it were to ever feel the sun’s rays…
or taste the sweet nectar of the rain.
If only the gardener could see…
his little flower’s plea;
with, out stretched leaves-
attempting to touch the warm sunlight,
that the day time brings.
Or it’s roots surfacing…
with every fresh drop of rain.
Desperate to taste it’s sweet nectar.
The little flower wonders…
what would the gardener do?
If only he knew…
how his little flower-
longed to be like all the rest.
Would he pull its roots ;
from the cold, dry, desolate place?
So the little flower could taste-
the sweet nectar of the rain.
And feel the warmth of the sun’s rays.
Or would he ignore the little flower’s plea-
to taste the sweet nectar of the rain.
Or feel the warmth of the sun’s ray’s…
that the day time brings.
In this world;
Things don’t always go as planned
There are many ups and downs
But when in need there’s someone to lend a hand
We’ve been to every town
And many a distant land
No matter where we go
And everywhere we’ve been
The one thing I do know
Through all the sights to have seen
Together close we did grow
And with many a shoulder to lean
I’m dependent on you so
Through many tiring trials
And even many a test
Never any grave denials
Because together we’re the best
We traveled an infinite number of miles
And prevailed in every quest
Now to face the ultimate test
Withstand the futures course
The paved path leads to the west
Together we journey and carry no remorse
Once a small existence;
A simple life of trivial woes
Blossomed into extreme resistance,
Against all odds and fearsome foes
With fearless and incorruptible strength
Unending courage and undying will,
Strive to do what’s right at any length
Only to see it through until all is still
Through many trials and troubles
Wading through fear and pain
The true gift of love doubles
Realizing just how much there was to gain
Away it flies
Consuming all behind the lies
Come to me, for I cannot be
Its close friend quite empty and blackened
A few orbs and materia beyond man
So complete and large abnormal sand
They, so complete and porcelain fraction
Incomplete and displaced
Throughout the indifferent visions of light
Ether, that of the weathered night
Yet together; forever bound
So different but all the same
Always with one can both be found
Together until the end of the game
So pleased is she, for it bothers her so
For space knows never to go
He is forbidding, consequence fallen
So together, they are to never be forgotten
Never in my life
Have I been so verbally and mentally abused
Torn down to the floor
By a man who is so confused
Sick of being mistreated
Due to one man’s own mistakes
Too much pride to admit to his faults
So he’d rather place the blame
A malicious mom to add on
To the problems he already has
Brainwashed & manipulated
Convinced that everything good is bad.
It all started from childhood
His first impression of a mother
A subconscious hatred for women
For being raised by his brother
He too was abused
Misconception for the meaning of love
Beat down by his step father
Because he forgot to give his mother a hug
Lied to about his own identity
Of not knowing his REAL dad
Attempted suicide by overdosing on pills
Because his mother had him misled.
She manipulated him then
Still deceptive even now
He wants to break the chain
But he doesn’t know how
Lacked his mother’s care
As a young child
Still longing for her touch
So now as a grown man
Any attention is sufficient enough
Feeling like a helpless boy
Trapped in a grown man’s body
Addicted to alcohol & drugs
But ashamed to admit it to anybody.
Insecure, angry, and unhappy
He feels there’s no way out
Will vent to anyone who’ll listen to him
To help validate his doubts.
Provokes the family to anger
Kids but mainly his wife
Tries to make her look bad
To avoid changing his life.
He hears voices from God
Saying son just come to me
But every time he tries to make one step forward
He gets blocked by the enemy.
Prayer is the only thing that can change him
Because the clock is winding down
At the end of the day, they’ll be a price to pay
And no one will be around
Momma can’t save his soul
No person can make him whole
Will be faced with the decisions he made in life
Cs God’s word
Is what matters the most
Such a vicious cycle
Of a generational curse not left behind
Hard for the man to make rational decisions
Because he battles in his mind
If he ever yields
What a great story he’d have to tell
But which one will he choose
Heaven or hell?
I need you
Why have you forsaken me?
Mom woke me up this morning
Fixed me breakfast
And you weren’t there to take me to school.
I want to talk to you
What did I do wrong?
I long for your touch
And for you to converse with me
And you won’t even pick up the phone.
I need some advice
Why can’t you be my friend?
Of course you’re a parent who also reprimands
But they both go hand in hand
I pray for you
Why won’t you come through?
When two people break up
Is an unfortunate deal
But neglecting a child’s not the right thing to do
I hope for you
Will you ever let go of your pride?
It hurts so badly
That you’re not in my life
But I try hard to keep it inside.
I can’t make you spend time with me
I have no more questions to ask
But when I grow up
And have a kid of my own
I’ll be the best parent than any child’s ever had.
We have yet to learn forgiveness
A gesture we sometimes lack
Please allow me to express myself
In a theoretical poetic act.
This is a question
That has been posed
By many who are hurt?
Try to read between the lines
As I put this in rhyming words
How can I forgive someone?
Who treated me so bad?
Called me out of my name
Made me feel so sad.
How can I forgive the friend?
Who talk about me every chance they get
Laugh in front of my face
Then backstab me at the drop of a hat
How can I forgive a family member?
Who would leave me out in the cold?
Steal my money to get high off drugs & alcohol
Take my clothes, silver and gold.
How can I forgive the man?
Who raped me, beat me, and tried to sabotage my soul
Verbally, mentally, emotionally abused me
While battling with myself to keep it all in
A story untold.
How can I forgive the spouse?
Who would break my heart then claim to try to fix it
Reel me in again say they love me
Just to intentionally break my spirit
How can I forgive the criminal?
Who killed my mother, father, sister, brother?
Never said sorry
And will do it to another.
Hmmm! Well I don’t quite know how to answer these questions
My first reaction is to run
There is so much doubt of what to say
But here is my response.
I can’t justify that behavior
And I can’t take away nor heal your pain
But one thing I know with unforgiving
There is nothing to gain.
I suggest that you pray
Every single day
People can’t give you direction
But God will definitely show you the way.
Get into the word
So you can learn how others got through
Seek the voice from God
So HE can tell you what to do.
Then I want you to think of this
Remember when the Pharisees killed Jesus
He was an innocent man
He didn’t say or do anything wrong
But the blood was on his hands
Jesus didn’t have to do it
But HE did so that you and I would have life
They scorned him, beat him, spit on him
AND pierced him in the side.
So with all that our God has given
And he did with such great passion
Forgive everyone for all that they’ve done
So our father will forgive us our trespasses as it is in heaven.
The world is crashing all around
Treatment after treatment
but there is no cure
Will I help myself or someone else
I may never know
Keep your head up high they tell me
But I don’t know why
I’m too tired to continue the fight
But I have to fight to the end
For my daughters and all women in the world
I’m an experiment sent from God
Put here to do good and right for all women
Keep my head up high they tell me
Now I know why
My life ending to find a cure
Save another woman from this curse
Every day I pray if there’s no cure before I go
I might help find the cure for another woman
I’m fighting the fight
To save the next life
Kick this curse to the curb
Dedicated to all the women who have or is fighting breast cancer especially my mother Relda McConnell and my aunt Paula Gibbons!!!
I was cutting in and out of the nights then, perpetually nocturnal.
Pleased, at a distance.
Yet so very astray. A restless infinity walking upright.
I close my eyes and see the halos of bright lights burning.
The great glowing electric hum of a city’s heartbreak.
Endless houses, leaves, streets, trees,
and the strange faces of those before and after my time.
Tired and ragged concrete concealing its age in the shadows, looking for rest,
hidden to the alleyways I tirelessly wandered.
I see limp plastic bags hanging from the limbs of trees. (like dead appendages)
Naked bulbs hanging lazy on your porch, deep inside the murky blues of the night.
These were the smoke soaked moments of endless possibility where our souls, confronted, dragged on fearlessly into the sunset.
I’m still there when I think back to those nights.
still aware to the irregularity of each step beneath my feet.
still killing the ache, day by day.
All I wanted was a silence that echoed.
See, time travel is easy…
Though it’s hardest knowing not much has changed.
Life for me lately has just been casting shadows,
I feel so….more or less.
Playing ear to the endless struggle of whirring lights and blurred faces;
walking a labyrinth of lewd alley ways and vicious stairwells leading nowhere.
All of it fueling the roving madness raging somewhere deep within.
I’m standing unsure, yet smiling between these illusionist walls.
Simply rolling with the current, biding my time.
Beep beep beep… It’s 4:30 already!
Slowly make my way out of bed
Mind spinning as I make my way to the hospital
Strip down, throw on scrubs
Grabbing shoe covers and a hair net
Ready or Not
It is time to leave the locker room
Waiting nervously for my case to start
Here we go
They just brought the patient in
Time to scrub… If I remember how
Everyone is ready
Tech said it is all mine
Under the bright lights
Feeling good in action
Patient can feel pain
Need more Lidocaine
Surgeon comforting the patient
Then back to work
Few bloody raytex here and there
Time for closing count and finishing up
I did it, this is what I want to do
Nice job, keep up the good work
3 o’clock time to go home
Leaving more confident
As we journey along the
path of life the road seems long.
There are many challenges and hurdles to endure
that we aren’t sure where we belong.
Opportunities come in all sizes
that we can embrace.
Everyone is searching for answers as we
all run in the same race.
Life hold’s the keys to our dreams
in which we must unlock.
Some will search their whole life to fit in,
yet feel life is a road block.
Can the answers to life’s questions be found
in the deepest reservoirs of our hearts?
Maybe if we just embark upon our day with
a positive affirmation as it starts.
Who would think positive self talk
could strengthen our day.
We don’t have yesterday or tomorrow but,
we can make the most of today.
Everyone in the world is special
and is a true gift.
Our qualities and talents can be shared with
one another to give us a lift.
The most expensive gift can’t
seem to buy happiness.
So the best gift one can give is time to another
which brings joy full of bliss.
What is the most important thing everyone wants in life,
it is to be loved.
So many search for so long for what would make us happy and
we all long to be moved.
The sparks of a new romance take us
emotionally to a place of power.
We all want that feeling to last a lifetime and not go sour.
Everyday there is an opening to
learn something new.
Embrace each days new lessons it offers
like the fresh morning dew.
Nestled deep within our souls
we must be true to us.
As no one else will cherish
the beauty within us.
You never need to look farther than
your own mirror for success.
I am going to tell you that
YOU are the Secret to Success.
Why not get back up after he’s beaten me? I mean I’ve been beaten before and let’s not forget that I still have tons of work around the house to get done and I know if I lay here to long it’ll only upset him again. Ain’t no point in crying, because I know he really doesn’t like to hurt me he just can’t help it sometimes. His job is so demanding not to mention he’s had a few drinks tonight plus let’s not forget the abusive father and drunken neglectful mother. His uncontrollable anger is not his fault… right?
He never means it. That’s what he tells me every time and I have to believe it….right? It’s just the stress. I know he doesn’t want me to add extra stress. I already know he can’t handle that.
This isn’t the first time, but maybe, just maybe it could be the last….right? He loves me, it’s just that sometimes my questions upset him, especially if he’s had a rough day or already in a bad mood. I already know that when he has a lot on his mind to just stay away say nothing and do nothing “stupid,” as he calls it. I wouldn’t want to make him angry.
So I need to get up and go wipe my face. But I must remember not to look too put together because I wouldn’t want him to think I didn’t learn a lesson from his rage. If I show him that I’m sorry for making him upset then maybe this really will be the last time….right? I need to think of an apology and quick. I wouldn’t dare want him to think that I’m not truly sorry. That would be really bad. Maybe I could say “Sorry for asking you what you wanted for dinner,” in my most regretful tone, “I know you say you don’t care what I cook but I just thought you might want something specific and I didn’t want to upset you by not checking to make sure that wasn’t the case.” then I can add “I just want to make you happy.” Its true really, I just want to make him happy.
Yes, that should be an acceptable apology but I can’t do it yet. I have to start cooking or he’ll get pissed off all over again. I’ll do it once the food is done, that way he won’t be able to snap about his dinner still not being ready. I am already late starting it because of the fighting, and it’s really my fault for making him mad….right?
I know better than to ever question anything about him but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder why things have to be this way. Why is my good never good enough? I mean I know he loves me, if he didn’t he wouldn’t care so much about my every move…. right? He wouldn’t always want me home and he wouldn’t always sound so jealous every time I tell him about my day. Jealousy is the biggest sign of him loving me….right? But why does he have to smack me to the ground or kick me and leave bruises? Why does he have to be so insecure? But no, I must not question his love. I know he loves me. He tells me all the time that he could never live without me, that he would never live without me. That’s love….right? He tells me that him even thinking of me being with another man would kill him … or he’d kill me. I know he doesn’t really mean that part…right?
No, he loves me and I know he does. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with and he’s all I know. I know you’re thinking god she’s so dumb how can she be with a guy like that? I used to hear about girls who were with guys who hit them and thought that I could never be that stupid. But now I understand them, it’s not stupidity when you love him….right? Well I love him and he wasn’t always this way. He just has so much baggage from his childhood. What type of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t help him overcome it? He’s not all bad and when he is bad it’s not his fault its mine. I know what makes him angry I just have to remember what buttons not to push. This will all get better if I just be careful not to make him upset. I just have to always make sure that he’s in a good mood and if he’s not I have to try and figure out how to get him in a better mood.
Yes, that is all I need to do…right?
Our love is the real deal….right?
Yes, this has to be true love…right?